Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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