I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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