Moan for me like Helen Keller
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
