So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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