I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
