I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
