What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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