you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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