dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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