Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
