a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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