What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
