is your mom at the bar?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
