I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
