new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
