the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
