his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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