I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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