apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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