Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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