hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
