I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
