so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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