Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
