that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
