My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
