I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
