very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
