do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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