Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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