Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
