Umm I'm too high to move.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
