He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
