can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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