they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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