it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
