does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
