Non-Jews are for practice
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
