Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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