a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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