Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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