I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
