im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
