It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
