I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
