Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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