You're my little dorito
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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