MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
