And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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