I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
