A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
